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Wednesday, May 29, 2002
Wishy-washy?
Here it is, the end of May. Back in April, I told you that I was heading
back to school. I was enrolled in my first class CSS/335 (Computers and
Information Processing), set to go on June 13, 2002. But... ...I
recently e-mailed the enrollment counselor and informed her that I would be postponing
my reentry. Given
the time to think, I decided that perhaps going back to school wasn't the
wisest thing for me to do at this point in my life. I
have this nasty tendency to be very impetuous and impulsive. I will get this
idea in my head and want to act on it immediately. Passionate and full of
zeal, I will run headlong into a brick wall if I'm not careful -- which I'm
usually not. That explains all the tankobus1 that I
have on my forehead. Joyce
and I had this conversation a while ago about our differences. Joyce will take
a long time to make a decision, internalizing everything and analyzing
everything to the finest detail. Myself, on the other hand, is quick to make a
decision making the minute details merely an afterthought. We joked about
meshing the two extremes and making the perfect decision-maker. In
this case, I was forced to wait. Luckily. Back
in April when I met with the enrollment counselor, I remember telling her, "I'm
anxious to get back in school and finally earn my degree. I'd like to get
started as soon as possible." If they had a class available for me to
start the next day, surely I would've jumped right in. The
Lord knows me far too well, even better than I know myself. Thankfully,
there was no class available. I was forced to wait a month and a half. Waiting
is the hardest thing for me to do, but more often than not, it's a blessing in
disguise. Waiting forces me to think and evaluate my decision. Other
options arise, I'm more receptive to advice from peers and mentors, and God
actually has time to provide me some answers to the questions I've been asking
Him. Sure,
it may sound odd to some, but I bring my concerns and questions to God.
Sometimes, I don't wait long enough for the answer before I start moving in
the direction that I want to go in. Many times, I feel myself being reeled in
like an impatient child on a leash at a shopping mall who wants to run ahead
of her parents and grab at everything within arm's reach. Sometimes, He just
needs to stall me long enough to come to my senses -- which is exactly what
happened in this case. Some
big issues that gave me pause and made me think about whether I was making a
wise decision or not:
-
We're just
starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of our debt, do
we really want to assume a $40,000 school loan?
-
I need practical
knowledge: Photoshop, Illustrator, CSS, Dreamweaver, Flash, layout and
composition basics, photography, some back-end database programming
knowledge... I can obtain most of this knowledge by attending training
classes at New Horizons and at community college evening classes.
-
Will I
really need the degree if the goal is to be an independent business owner?
My portfolio will be what sells my services/products -- not the fact that
I spent $40,000 for a BA in Information Technology.
The bottom line
is this: I'm 28, married, and hoping to become a mother within the next year
or two. My career goal is to become an independent business owner that brings
in enough income to live comfortably without having to work full-time
elsewhere. I would rather spend my time and money on getting my business
established and obtaining relevant, practical skills that I can use right
now for my business instead of wrestling with management theories and
conceptual studies.
If I were 10
years younger, there's no doubt that I'd be in school -- probably the
University of Hawaii and not a for-profit private school like the University
of Phoenix. The fact is, I'm not 18 anymore, I have neither the luxury of time
or money on my side.
Sure, I go
through this often. Call me wishy-washy, call me what you like. This journal
is evidence of how often I think about going to school and how each time, I
manage to convince myself not to go. Who knows, six months down the road I
might be rehashing this whole scenario again -- but so be it. Maybe six months
in the future things may be different and at that point in time, it might be
the right time for me to go back to school. We'll never know until then.
It's time to be
practical and stop thinking about the status quotient of having a degree.
That's really what it is for me, you realize. It's about time that I realized
it, too. Sometimes seeing your true motives behind a decision isn't always the
most pretty thing to behold. Even the most noble of decisions can be borne out
of self-centered motives. It takes time and reflection to bring those motives
to light.
To wait upon the
Lord. That is one of the most valuable lessons that I can learn, and luckily,
that lesson doesn't come with a $40,000 price tag. ©
1Tankobu
[Japanese] - The lump that results after hitting your head on a brick wall. ;-)
.top.
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"So
I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people to
do in this world than to eat, drink and enjoy life. That way they will
experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them."
-- Ecclesiastes 8:15 (NLT)
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